For someone that can talk a good game? :-

I haven`t made much of job of my deck-house table, which is of course whats usually expected of the above mentioned sort of person :o((.

I cleaned and sanded down the aborted attempt using "International Yacht Varnish" a product that I have both, never used before, and a product, not ever to be mistaken for Yacht Varnish proper, such as "Original Yacht-varnish" or "Epithanes Yacht Varnish" which can happily re coated over and over again to give the deep shine that is required by the discerning yacht maintenence person. The infused cotton wool and Suet used in the International product ensures that you can`t over coat unless you wait for ten years before first sanding the previous coat off!



Am I serious? well mostly, (but not entirely) I stripped the previous two coats off
(leaving the first 50% "knock down "coat on) and re-prepared once again, for the following coats and applied the first of nine to follow, if I live that long :o))Hmmm ? I am going to have to take the table back to the boat before finishing it as time has now eluded me, with the approach of our first esteemed guest of the, so called, Ha Ha, summer (would you believe) where I will have to lightly sand and re- coat over the next ten years (Yea Sure! I`m still going with "International Yacht Suet " I got it coming out my ears so I have to really :o((! )

I can just imagine it now? a nice cool evening around the candle light, deck house table where sumptious Fare is about to be enjoyed and as one of the guests goes to rise to take the night air and finish their Tescos (own brand) Brandy, a plaintif cry is heard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Oh NOoooo!!! My Fu*king arms are stuck to the table, now what do I do? what about me Louis Voutons?" and then yet another cry is heard from the hostess "I can`t clear the starter course because my pound shop plastic desert bowls and simulated wicker "Presige table place mats" are stuck too, along with the unused plastic cutlery" At the very same moment, another guest throws a glass of wine into the cleavage of the hostess as she tries to clear the table, when the "International Suet surface" upon which the base of their full, Plastic wineglass rested, suddenly releases, as they exert pressure to raise the glass to their lips (Could have been worse!). A less unfortunate suddenly finds they have to down all their wine in one go, as they attempt to toast the "over shoulder drinker"! they have just snapped the stem off their extra (75cm) Wilkinsons special plastic wine-glass.

Now the evening starts to get interesting, just as the take away fish and chip course arrives, collected from the ramp.:o(( Mmmmmmm !!!!! still no mention of the Hostess`s "Janet Reagers" sopping in white wine? Mmmmmmm I don`t think I`ll go there? did I just say that ??????/ :o((((( surely not? damn!!! my 50p battery electronic flickering mood setting plastic candles have just run out, now what do I do for mood setting? I suppose theres always Barry Manelow????

Actually I think I`d rather be using Epithanes which hardens in .5 of a second and you can put 50 coats on in a day!!! :o(((( Or am I just a "stuck up Bas*ard????? probably as its going at the moment, Yes! :o((